Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Oh god it's open bar.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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