you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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