I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
