I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
