Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
