I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
