I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
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Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
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I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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