i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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