The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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