so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
