So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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