He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
