I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
