I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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