I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
