Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
