Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
