yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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