The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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