I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
