I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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