Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
