For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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