I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize