He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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