Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
