...so i touched it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
