i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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