the day after is always just damage control
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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