Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
