3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize