How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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