awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
