he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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