Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
