i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
