It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
