She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize