I wish I could teleport
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
