You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
