Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
