I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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