Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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