honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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