Non-Jews are for practice
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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