the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
