Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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