No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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