The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
