True but thats because hes a fetus.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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