a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
