I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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