I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
