i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
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I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
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Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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