I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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