my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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