Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
