If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
