sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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