Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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