He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
